The Perfect Nightmare.

What is this thing called life that we wake to everyday?

Where the sun shines bright and children frolic and play.

Where merriment is certain and there is perpetual joy.

Everyone's smiling and happiness, you can't avoid.

No violence, no crime, no anger nor sadness. 

There's no such thing as chaos, we're in eternal bliss.

What more can I say about this perfect world?

Perfect job, perfect house and the perfect girl.

I can't ask for much more in my life

Except maybe for that perfect girl to become my wife.

No complaints, I'm at peace like an immaculate dove

I have more things than anyone could ever dream of.

Every night, as I lay my head, I'm happy and healthy

Because I know the spirit of God is always with me.

I could ask for nothing more but to continue my road

Of my perfect life sitting comfortably in my humble abode.

What is this thing called life that haunts my dreams?

Every day I'd wake to crying and screams.

Gunshots, murders, riots, rape,

Liars, haters, criminals, fakes.

Everyday there's violence, everyday there's a war

Everyday there's one more body on the floor.

Everyday there's crime, everyday there's gore

Everyday there's people trying to escape by the horde.

But there's no escape from the devil

He follows you where you go,

Until you pay back the debt that you owe.

Life can be a bitch, or it can grant you what you want

It'll either bless you, or taunt and taunt.

Don't complain about your life, be content and make do

Because there's always someone who has it harder than you.

Bask in your glory, but always beware

That your perfect dream can turn into a nightmare.

I Used To.

I used to be a kid, I used to have dreams

But now I have nightmares and all I hear are screams

From the inside; my soul, crying out for help

Longing for the joyous things it once felt.

I used to see the sun, I used to feel it's heat

But now I feel the cold raindrops of defeat.

Washing away my euphoric memories

And unveiling a grave for which to bury me.

I used to have a heart before I traded it for a diamond.

I'm not the best person to talk to or confide in

But it does protect me from the hate the world throws.

I refuse to succumb, I refuse to wear its clothes

I refuse to be another face in the crowd

I refuse to be timid and let myself be cowed.

I used to give a fuck, now I give a fuck less

About the things that use to hamper my road to success.

I no longer dwell on those things, it's pointless to. 

I can't worry about the past and what I've been put through.

I'm focused on the future and what tomorrow's promised,

Finding my way out of this bleak abyss.

The world and it's people are coaxing me to quit

But my dreams are far too bright to be eclipsed.

I won't falter, success is my Siamese twin.

Nice guys finish last; I want to win.

The Path Less Traveled.

I take risks no one would dare to take.

I make decisions no one would dare make.

I'll walk the path no one would dare walk

To the forbidden place no one would dare talk.

As I walk, the air feels cold and heavy 

Suffocating almost, as if demanding a levy.

Still I continue, curious, a dying feline.

No matter what hinders me, victory will be mine.

I look to one side, I see a healthy baby being born

And the other, I see two people aiding a victim of scorn.

For one, she is relieved and the pain ceases,

While the other's life falls apart as she tries to pick up the pieces.

Further along, I see a factory with billowing smoke

Filled with servants working to attain their "coke."

Incessantly striving, blinded by addiction

Mulishly ignoring the impending affliction.

I come to a fork in the road with a pole dividing the two.

In my mind, I know this is where most problems are brewed.

There are two signs: "Innocence, left"; It's radiant and clear.

"Guilt, right"; Dark, gloomy and bare.

But still one path remains, the one in between.

The path called "Twilight", what could this mean?

As I walk, a bright light shines in my face.

It felt familiar, warm, like a mother's embrace.

As I entered, I pondered what lay parallel

Perhaps the answer to this confounding hell.

Emotions.

Happiness is that in which I’ve not felt in a while

Or have I ever?

Forgive me for not remembering, it’s been such a long time.

Anger, I no longer feel; it takes a backseat to Pride,

While Humility and Shame have keeled over and died.

Depression likes to visit me often

And is the main reason why my soul hasn't been softened.

I only Envy money and Jealousy is jealous of me

Because I’m Content with my life and Irritation-free.

I can’t fear Fear because Fear isn’t even fair.

Why should I be afraid of something that isn’t even there?

Why should I be Nervous and Horrified at the sight

Of something that doesn’t have the Courage to fight?

I’ve been through enough Torment and Suffering;

Been Neglected and Saddened.

Disappointment’s at the top because I always expect it to happen.

I rarely get Surprised and Excitement’s just the same.

I feel the world around me is dying, God’s already taken aim.

Last and least, it’s the one they call Love.

The most difficult to understand and get a hold of.

People will lie for it, people will die for it.

People would buy Love if the price was legit.

I’ve seen people have mental breakdowns and suicide attempts

From this one little thing that cause people to lose all sense

 I’d have to experience it to know

How one person can make the other’s heart grow so.

In one hand I hold the future, in another the past.

I can keep moving forward or live life unsurpassed.

So I pop the blue pill and wake up to reality

While everybody’s dreaming;

Where wishes come true and ignorance is glee.

Heart of a soldier and immune to mood rings, 

Incarcerated, while someone else is pulling my strings.

I can’t have emotions; I’m not worthy, not yet.

When I am, I’ll be complete and finally be out of debt.

Until then, I’ll watch the world dream on

Until the day my darkest night becomes dawn.

I Pray.

Another sleepless night,

More than a disease, insomnia's my way of life.

The thing that fuels me to write,

So I grab my pen once again and pledge my plight. 

Since I'm up, let me talk to you Lord,

Got some things to address before I head to the morgue.

Please help me to be less anti

A guy who cares, who's sincere in his eyes.

A guy full of life, not one who died,

Grant me this wish before I plummet into the sky.

Lord, I'm just an average Joe, I need a way out,

Push some buttons for your son, I need an escape route.

I pray Lord, when I become too attached,

The only thing I'm left with is one more scratch,

One more scar, as I stand there and resist the fight,

If I keep this up and I'll have the Passion of the Christ.

I pray Lord, don't leave, you're all I have now

Besides me and these thoughts that I jot down.

Please rid me of these demons in my head,

The voices won't even let me lay in bed.

Take me away Lord, I can't take it, not anymore

If I'm living to die, what am I fighting for?

No more crossroads, now there's only one aisle,

There always was, me alone on an isle.

If worst comes to worst, I might just...I'll

Call up an old friend, I have the Grim Reaper on speed dial.

Zenkai.

A lot of the things that've happened in my life was my fault

But this isn’t one of those sad times, I'm putting depression on halt

To address some of the things that I've seen, things that I've done,

Things that I've lost, things that I've won 

Things that have made me the happiest man alive

And things that made me wish I'd taken that nose dive.

I was one of those kids that you'd make fun of daily

Because you couldn't handle your own life, so you took it out on me.

So day after day you'd point and jeer

 Not knowing I was building up an immunity to fear.

You tried until your insults had no effect

Because I had constructed the perfect object

To detect, protect, reflect and reject

All hate and angst against you--I called it "Respect."

All of the things that have brought me down,

That tried to suffocate me and make me drown,

Just know that after each time, still I stood.

You hadn't completed the job like you thought you would.

Everything that has happened only made me stronger

Every ounce of mockery extends my life that much longer.

And to everybody who hated me then that love me now

Don't act like you tried to help when I was down.

Don't try to comfort me and say, "I was there."

Because you weren't, you weren't even near.

No one can take credit for what I've attained.

I only had me when I was mentally drained.

All the bullshit in my life has made me me

As long as there's hate, I'll always be.

Life Behind A Mirror.

I walk the road of a lonely soldier,

Watching the world pass me by ten times over.

Observing the thousands of people living without a care,

Unbeknownst to the incredible burden I bare.

On this side of the two-way prison

Where you can hear clearly the drop of a pin,

Lives a guy you never knew, who you’ll probably never meet

Because he lives behind a mirror where he’ll never be free.

There’re no friends, no family, no life at all

Some days I just feel like driving my head into this wall.

Escape? No, it's futile, I've already tried that;

It’s to end my days of being a lab rat.

I’d rather die than spend one more minute confined

In this asylum where my only enemy is time.

Have you any idea how many crimes I’ve seen?

How many robberies have occurred?

How many rapes there’ve been?

How many people have died right next to me?

While I can do nothing, just sit there and be.

One day I decided enough was enough,

I didn’t care anymore, I didn’t give a fuck

About living if it meant being blind and deaf

To the world, I was living a fate worse than death.

As I prepared myself to end this fray, I heard a girl say “Hey,

What’s that?” looking directly at me.

Could this be? Was I finally seen?

I got up and proceeded my hand forward,

As did she without saying a word.

She and I both placed our hands on the glass,

I felt like today in this box was my last.

Until she pulled her hand away and giggled and said,

“It’s just one of those mirrors, the ones that make you weird.”

As she walked away I felt my freedom had too

And she took with her the life I never knew.

You couldn’t imagine all the hope I’d had

To have it struck down in an instant when it was within your grab

 I now know my happiness was never meant to be.

I was meant to be trapped here and never to be free.

If Tomorrow Never Comes.

If today was your last, how would you spend it?

Would you reflect on your life and the choices you’ve regretted?

Would you tell your mother you love her for the very last time? 

Tell her you’re sorry for everything and put all angst aside?

Would you tell your dad he was a role model, that he was your hero?

That you always respected him even when it didn’t seem so?

Would you tell the one that got away

That you couldn’t live without them?

Even though you knew that the world was gonna end?

Would you lie to your child and say everything’s okay

When you knew the both of you were gonna die that day?

Maybe you’d adopt a child or give to the homeless,

Or adopt a home for a child who has less.

If you had a chance to wrong the person who wronged you,

Would you wrong them?

And give them the same pain you were put through?

Or do you feel that that is wrong even though it seems right

To wrong someone completely out of spite?

Would you rob a bank or steal the car of your dreams?

But would the glory really be as satisfying as it seems?

Would you go wild and crazy just because?

Or are you doing it because it’s what everyone else does?

Would you repent your sins and pray to God for penance?

And tell him that you want heaven to be your life sentence?

As far as I’m concerned, I wouldn’t change my ways

Because God judges your life, not what you do in a day. 

You could die in 5 days, 5 weeks or 5 months,

So live your life just a little for once.

Never have regrets or leave problems undone

Because you’ll never live it down if tomorrow never comes.

Perspective Of An Outcast.

As a child I was filled with hopes and dreams

Before I learned the world isn't always as it seems.

Every movie I'd seen, turned out with a happy ending.

My life is so broken, there's no amount of mending

That could bring back the innocent, young child that once was,

I never saw that child again because

I woke up and saw that the world is fucked,

Going to any lengths just to earn a quick buck.

They say live life to the fullest

Because you never know when you die,

So tell me why I try to live and it ends up awry?

I looked up and screamed, “Why God? Tell me the reason!

I've never defiled anyone or been accused of treason

Against you or anybody else that I've known,

Why give me friends if I always feel alone?”

Then I realized God couldn’t help me, he gave us free will 

To say what we want and do what we feel.

So I guess it’s my fault my life is such a mess,

The feeling of depression, the perpetual stress.

People are always saying, “Why are you so mean?”

You haven't been through what I've been through

Or seen what I’ve seen.

You'll never understand unless you walk in my shoes

And see my pain and my emotional bruise.

They say the grass is always greener on the other side,

But how long before that grass grows old and it dies?

This isn't for fun or fame, that isn't the reason I write,

I do it so I can finally SLEEP AT NIGHT.

In this world, there aren't sides, only survival of the fittest,

You only have your life and the bullshit that comes with it.

Take it from me because I've been through the worse,

Make your life either a gift…or a curse.