My mom passed away so I’ve never cracked a smile.
My dad’s an alcoholic and likes to abuse.
I always try to help, but he always manages to lose
His temper, he shouts and yells
So I stay in my room, or should I say my cell.
It’s never been the same since my mom passed away
It always looks bleak but I try to find a way
To cover up the pain and the scars that I’ve felt
From the cuts of the knives to the bruises of the belt.
From the nights of hiding in the attic
Hoping my dad doesn’t find me when he’s acting erratic.
He blames me for my mom’s suicide
He can’t cope with the fact that she died.
He drinks to numb all the pain
Praying that the alcohol will rid him of the stain.
Other nights he takes his anger out on me
Beating till he’s tired or just until I bleed.
When he’s done, I cry myself to sleep
Laying on the floor in a helpless heap.
Nobody can hear my crying or my pleas.
I try to pray to God for help, I say "Please!
God, help me, I’ve taken all the pain,
I’ve taken all the hate, I’ve taken all the blame.
I’ve taken more beatings than anyone I’ve known.
I’ve endured so many broken bones.
I want it to stop, I want my dad to see
That my mom’s death shouldn’t be weighed on me."
I’ve tried to get help, but it’s always the same
I get tortured by the clinically insane.
I’m not talking about my dad, I mean my mind,
It takes its toll and it can’t be confined.
I pick up the knife trying to end it all,
The only thing that stops me is the picture on the wall
My mom’s smile makes me drop it to the floor.
She wouldn’t want this, she would've wanted more.
She didn’t want me to be like her
A drug-addicted teen with a kid at sixteen.
Fighting demons for twenty-plus years,
Taking her life because she couldn’t face her fears.
Somebody please take the time to see what I’ve written.
There are people like us who suffer daily within.
But nobody will come, they’ll turn their cheek instead
Because by the time anyone finds this, I’ll already be dead.
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